And Hell Rages On

I should not have gone to work today…

Surviving

Life ain’t pleasant.

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Being on constant alert as the smallest move I make will most certainly be misinterpreted. Being viewed from a camera and being recorded and questioned later about the smallest action I made is not a pleasant experience.

Knowing that over a thousand photos of my face has been taken to analyze what I was doing, and what was happening around me based on the reflection on the glass pane behind me which is at an off angle because of the placement of the camera is both disturbing and disheartening. Shadows reflected on the glass, and how my eyes moved are basis for deduction.

Numb.

I try my best to numb myself from the experience I am going through. It’s hard to distract myself.

I learned that we can control what is going on around us with how we react to it. It’s difficult, to be frank.

Am I being gaslighted or is this genuinely a forgetfulness thing? I frankly can’t say, but it’s good to err on the side of caution, and protect myself.

Each of us have something going through, and it would seem that this is my hell to live through.

If you’re here reading this, thanks. I hope you have a nice day.

Later.

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Things Are Getting Worse

I’m writing this down for my sanity. Things are getting worse.

Back to Square One

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I don’t know how to start this so I’m just going to go ahead…

Since I have no one to talk to this about, I’m going to rant in here.

It has been 4 years since the major interior works our house was completed. The endeavor put me in deep debt and also cut our spending money really hard. We were slowly recovering from it, and as of now, some of my debts have been reduced.

Hang In There

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Life is tough, and it can be sometimes hard to go on… but yeah, we just need to hang in there. It will get better.

There’s something about the holidays that can be stressful. It could be the hustle and bustle and the rush of getting things done in time, it could even be as simple as dealing with family members in gatherings. The addition of the pandemic this year is no help, too.

However, it will pass. It may be hard, but you’ll survive.

Don’t let dark, intruding thoughts in. Be busy, do things. When your body is moving, your mind is not thinking. That may be good for you. Give it a try.

If not, write it down. Write whatever dark emotion you have inside and let it out. You may not have the privilege of having someone to confide in. If you do, consider yourself lucky. Don’t keep it all inside. It will just make things worse.

I wrote these down as a reminder and advice to myself. I thought that it might help you, or a friend.

Thanks for reading!

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I hope you have a nice day

Not Really in a Good Place

Hello, everyone. I hope you are all doing well.

I know I have not been posting much this month mainly because I have been finding difficulty to gather up the motivation and inspiration to do so.

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Things have not been going well. Last month, I applied for a loan to help restructure my current loans to give my financial situation a bit of a breather. When my salary for this month rolled in, the payment for that loan was already deducted because I was already billed, yet no fund was received. I followed up to the concerned agency and they said that my loan, although already approved, was still in processing. Well, if it was still in processing, I argued, why did they bill me already? I got a reply along the lines of that is how their system works and that I would get the proceeds before the month ends.

As of today, the month is really close to ending, and I have yet to receive the funds for the loan.

My budget is really tight.

With the closing of our store last month, I have no other source of liquid funds. This debt restructuring that I was supposed to be doing was meant to absorb debts incurred by the business (it is a sole-proprietorship, so yeah, its debts are ours), and the debts we made so that we could live off my salary.

With the fumble that the lending agency did, my tight budget got blown to bits, and I am feeling the stress of it, plus the passive-aggressive assaults from the wife. Both hurts like hell.

Follow-ups have been made, respectable e-mail of complaints have been sent, but they seem to have resulted to nothing. This is one of the problems with dealing with large national agencies. A tiny speck of an individual is nothing against the large machine.

I can be lenient with our family spending. As long as the bills are paid and debts settled, we can buy what we want. However, the current financial situation has put a large strain with me and my wife. So, yeah, I guess I am not really in a good place at the moment.

So, here I am writing about it as a way to vent some stress off of me.

I am still constantly following up the agency for the release of my loan. I have also learned that I am not alone and that others are also sharing my predicament. We keep getting responses that our funds will be released soon. “Before the end of the week,” they say, “or maybe early next week.”

Guess what? I got those exact words when I followed up in the beginning of the month when I saw the billing that was to be deducted from my salary.

I am not too hopeful, but I am desperately wishing that my turn be up for processing and the damn check be finished.

I got bills to pay and mouth to feed, too.

Anyway… *ahem*…

My attempt at toilet humor

It would seem that redbubble.com has implemented some sort of affiliate program on their system, so if you click on my link (My Shop), and buy from whoever in their site, it would seem I would get some credit off of it. I haven’t actually seen it in action as the only inflow I had so far from that website are a few sales of my design. So, if you are in the market for a new phone case this year, or probably something nifty for your laptop, click my link. There are a lot of designs that are much, much cooler than mine, that I guarantee. Hahaha…

That is all for now, if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. I hope you have nice day.

What If You Don’t Feel Like Posting Today?

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Let’s face it, as creators, we know that regular content can rake in viewers and visitors, and the more viewers and visitors we have, the more “successful” our blogs become. Therefore, we have this constant nagging in our minds that we have to always have something up our sleeves so our readers can have something worth their while.

It is good for the handful of pros who have a schedule or calendar of things to post. It is just a matter of building a habit of having content ready to go, for the masses who are struggling to craft something, it can be a struggle.