Being on constant alert as the smallest move I make will most certainly be misinterpreted. Being viewed from a camera and being recorded and questioned later about the smallest action I made is not a pleasant experience.
Knowing that over a thousand photos of my face has been taken to analyze what I was doing, and what was happening around me based on the reflection on the glass pane behind me which is at an off angle because of the placement of the camera is both disturbing and disheartening. Shadows reflected on the glass, and how my eyes moved are basis for deduction.
I try my best to numb myself from the experience I am going through. It’s hard to distract myself.
I learned that we can control what is going on around us with how we react to it. It’s difficult, to be frank.
Am I being gaslighted or is this genuinely a forgetfulness thing? I frankly can’t say, but it’s good to err on the side of caution, and protect myself.
Each of us have something going through, and it would seem that this is my hell to live through.
If you’re here reading this, thanks. I hope you have a nice day.
Life is tough, and it can be sometimes hard to go on… but yeah, we just need to hang in there. It will get better.
There’s something about the holidays that can be stressful. It could be the hustle and bustle and the rush of getting things done in time, it could even be as simple as dealing with family members in gatherings. The addition of the pandemic this year is no help, too.
However, it will pass. It may be hard, but you’ll survive.
Don’t let dark, intruding thoughts in. Be busy, do things. When your body is moving, your mind is not thinking. That may be good for you. Give it a try.
If not, write it down. Write whatever dark emotion you have inside and let it out. You may not have the privilege of having someone to confide in. If you do, consider yourself lucky. Don’t keep it all inside. It will just make things worse.
I wrote these down as a reminder and advice to myself. I thought that it might help you, or a friend.
Thanks for reading!
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