Yesterday, my female co-workers laughed as one recounted one of my male co-workers who has problems with his wife.
Apparently, while they were on an office outing, his wife constantly called up on him, texted him, and even asked for photo and video evidence on who was with him.
They laughed at him stating how he is afraid of his wife.
I can’t stand the hypocrisy of the situation, because I can say for certain that at least one of them also does this to their husband.
Even I can relate because I, too, suffer from this sort of abuse at home, yet keep silent about it, because of fear of being viewed less masculine.
Frankly, it is not about the masculinity and physical strength that is at issue here. We just simply cannot fight back out of fear. Fear from emotional, verbal, and even physical abuse.
I am even afraid of posting this for I might be ridiculed.
Why am I allowing this to happen?
I don’t know, and I ask myself that same question, too.
Somewhere down the line, the balance of power shifted and I feel powerless and without control.
It is a game of control.
Who is in control of the other, and if I don’t back down, I should be prepared to be hurt.
I don’t know where to seek help or advice. Speaking out would mean more problem for me, and I will be ridiculed for it.
How can I be afraid? I’ll tell you how – I cannot be awake all the time. I sleep, too. Things can happen while I sleep. I eat the food she makes. I do not eat any unless she eats first. I am in a constant state of stress.
How can I be afraid when I am physically stronger? Because physical strength is useless when your mind is eroded and you have been conditioned to obey, or else…
My actions are monitored. I cannot speak my thoughts, or else…
I live each day with nothing to look forward to.
But I have to portray like nothing is wrong, or else…
To my fellow men who are living a life of freedom, I envy you. Being in this kind of relationship is more lonely than being alone.
I follow blindly, I obey. I feel less and less myself as time goes on. I fear I will be a mere husk in the future.
Thank you for reading.