What is Wrong With Me?

silhouette of woman with fishing pole sitting on bech
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

It can be hard being optimistic, when things are not going your way.

You can be in deep shit and yet, know in yourself that there is an end to this, that there is some good in this, that you will get through it…

And yet, you question yourself, and sometimes – your pessimistic self crawls out to speak.

“How can you be so sure?”

That’s just it. I am not sure. Yet, I keep telling myself that the problems and hardship will end. You just have to keep going. The dark tunnel has got to have a light at the end of it, somehow.

“But where is it?”

Patience. Have patience and endure. You will make out of this mess somehow.

“How can you be so sure?”

I’m not.

We are like crawling in the dark towards a goal we cannot see. We know it’s there, yet we won’t know we reached it until we are actually there. We don’t know if we’re inches away from it, or miles and miles away still.

“That’s stupid.”

Oh, come on, things are not that bad.

“It is. I know it is. You know it is. We both know that we are walking on the razor’s edge here…”

But it is not over. There is still hope.

“Yeah, where is this ‘hope’ you’re always talking about? Where is this hope when we are at our wit’s end figuring out what to do next?”

Hope is there, just as how the sun is certain to rise in the morning. We just have to keep moving.

I could argue with myself over the mysteries of living, and still find myself no closer to an answer. Is living with hope and happiness, despite all the troubles we are facing the better option? If it is not, then what is? What are we supposed to do? Crawl in a corner and be paralyzed with fear over our inability to do anything?

I like to think that everything is under our control. It would be better to think of everything that way, rather than be in fear over our inability to do anything because everything is outside of our control. But is it really? Within our control, I mean?

How we approach our hardships, how we react to them, that is within our control. We may not be able to control when the rain pours down, but we could at least be in control of when we carry an umbrella so we don’t at least get soaked.

I’m sounding too optimistic again. I’m sure my inner pessimist is laughing at me and waiting to poke more holes in my argument and reason.

However, I’m trying not to let it to. It’s under my control.

Is being too optimistic, yet having intrusive pessimistic thoughts a problem?

I don’t really know…

Oh, well…

I hope you have a nice day.

Author: jomz

Web Designer and Developer, Graphic Artist. Writer.

2 thoughts on “What is Wrong With Me?”

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